the theme of my life seems to be "misery loves company"..

when i was brushing my teeth in my bathroom this morning, the thought of how CERTAIN relatives seem to have this idea they want their other relatives to go through the same shit they've had to go through. i'm not positive if it's because misery loves company or they're just selfish asses? i don't want ANYTHING to do with these kind of people. you're nothing but a weight on my progression- trying to act as a distraction of where I REALLY want to be. i had the assumption that parents and other relatives wanted only the best for their relatives/"loved" ones. then i think back to a conversation i had with my grandma a LONG time ago- she said STRAIGHT OUT to me, "stacy.. you're a good person. NOT everyone is like you." i kinda took it like, "heh. yeah right. you're just worried about people screwing me over." but now i see EXACTLY what she meant. EVEN her OWN offspring seem to have it out for me. you may humor me when i say that because YOU haven't experienced the feeling of getting kicked by your own dad because your mom is selfishly and carelessly using YOU as a shield while he's kicking her. EXPLAIN THE PAST TWO SURGERIES THAT I'VE HAD ON MY BOWEL. AN ABDONIMAL ORGAN. IN THE AREA I WAS KICKED BECAUSE MY OWN DAMN MOM THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO PUT ME IN FRONT OF HER WHILE BEING KICKED BY HER HUSBAND (MY DAD). she also seems to have something against my brother.. so, i'm not sure if it's just because we share the same dad and she's being spiteful- trying to take out her pain that our dad caused her spitefully on us? she doesn't do this shit to my fat sister. i used to always assume that she favored my sister because she's the youngest of our family and my mom was the youngest of her family.. until i had these reminiscing dreams (around the time of my last surgery) of being KICKED by my dad because my mom held me in front of her, using me as a shield, while he kicked her. this also pisses me off because this shitty ass parenting was CONDONED by my family MY WHOLE LIFE. "huh. oh well- IT'S JUST STACY! SHE'S A FAT BABY! SHE CAN TAKE IT AND SHE'LL JUST FORGET ABOUT IT! SHE'S YOUNG AND STUPID!".. fuck you. I'VE WENT THROUGH TWO DAMN SURGERIES SO FAR IN MY LIFE SO FAR. YOU STUPID ASSHOLES WONDER WHY I RAN OFF TO NEW YORK WITHOUT TELLING ANYONE. NOBODY GIVES A FUCK ANYWAY. THEY JUST LIKE HOW IT LOOKS AND FEELS TO GET SYMPATHY. honestly. my job coach is coming in like 10 minutes. work seems to be the only thing that gets my mind off how ridiculous my damn life is. i go to sabathani later also. work is a break from thinking about how much things fuckin suck. thanks a lot bum. i have PTSD because of your selfish ass.